Man Tweets detailed account of how his privacy was invaded

Rick Sturridge, self-described full-time film extra and part-time blogger from Stockton-on-Trent, has taken to Twitter to show his outrage at recent high-profile privacy breaches he says have irreparably damaged his public profile. 

"How dare the gov wanna tap my phone?! Now how can I enjoy sexting people properly? #nofreedom #1984" 

The subsequent tweets, which provided detailed information about Mr Sturridge's address and postcode, as well as a screengrab of his driver's licence and a list of foods to which he's allergic, cannot be shown on this blog for legal reasons, but can be found here - www.twitter.com/udontnowhoyourmessinwith 

Nevertheless, he did go on to enlighten his followers as to his general position on the privacy debate: 

"Nun of these "leeks" have effected me "directly" but they HAVE directly impositioned on me thusly FORCING me to comment on the subjects". 

Mr Sturridge complained that whistleblowers like Edward Snowden and organisations such as The Guardian: 

"should just F off with with Justin Bieber to North Korea where they can say whatever they want"

"…..for all I care. #Loljoks." 

It is unclear whether the second part of the message was added to make it look as if Mr Sturridge was being hyperbolic or as an attempt to give himself a reprieve from the death threats he was receiving from hardcore Beliebers. Either way, his account has now been deactivated by Twitter to the great consternation of his 17 followers and fans of irony worldwide.

Sacking Managers Is Good For The Game

The general consensus is that too many managers are fired too often and too early in the season. As is often the case, the general consensus is wrong.

In the current employment market one feels instant sympathy for anyone losing their job but do sacked Premier League managers have it that bad? They are invariably given a handsome severance package irrespective of performance and can sometimes land a similar position not long after getting the boot. 

A great example of this is Andre Villas-Boas, whose sacking yesterday has predictably divided opinion amongst Spurs supporters. Daniel Levy's decision to make AVB the fifth Premier League manager to be shown the door so far this season is indicative of a long-established trend in the top flight of booting head coaches before they've had time to decide on their favourite local takeaway but is there method behind the madness of establishing a new regime so early on in the season?

AVB feared the worst when he spotted Fabio Capello signing things in the crowd. Also it was 5-0 again.

Crystal Palace co-chairman Steve Parish gave a terrific interview on Sky Sports News the other day in which he extolled the virtues of refreshing the managerial position. Inter alia, he cited the renewed optimism it grants out-of-favour players, the clean slate it provides those with axes to grind and the dynamism that a fresh training approach can offer.

A new manager brought in prior to the January transfer window gives the chariman an opportunity to give the squad an MOT, trimming the fat and adding depth or quality where needed in order to implement his new style.

Spurs' previous manager Martin Jol watched his Fulham team consistently produce lacklustre performances early this season, epitomised by Berbatov's ineffectiveness in front of goal and coupled with an apparently infectious dearth of desire and belief. The new man, Meulensteen, in fact had his first game against The Lillywhites, who were lucky to take three points thanks to two wonder goals from outside the area - despite the result, Fulham looked invigorated under the ex-Man Utd coach and totally dominated Tottenham for most of the game, with theoretical star man Berbatov looking lively and unfortunate not to grab a hat-trick. The next game they beat Villa convincingly 2-0 to record their first win in 7 games and Berbatov is now scoring again (admittedly, though, they are only penalties).

Meanwhile Crystal Palace look a different team without Ian Holloway - back to back wins against West Ham and Cardiff, as well as all three of their clean sheets this term, have come since Tony Pulis took over and they look as if they may even stave off relegation now.

Recycling managers: Good for the environment?

You have to go a long way to find someone who's a big fan of Paulo Di Canio and you might not want to start in Sunderland. Following his departure the Black Cats have beaten arch-rivals Newcastle and Man City in their first wins of the season.

Don't bet against Spurs and West Brom to turn around their poor form and climb the table in the coming weeks - and stop feeling sorry for teams and managers who part ways half way through the season - maybe the grass is greener when you change sides.

Polling Proves Itself to be Important

A recent poll conducted by www.polls_matter.gov has showed that 98% of those who participate in online polls respond to internet polling adverts. The remaining 2% forgot to fill the relevant section in.

A simultaneous offline poll, staffed exclusively by postgraduates who couldn't make it as 'chuggers' (charity muggers), clarified that 72/73 of those who stop in the street to talk to someone with a clipboard are likely to either be unemployed, students or students who aspire to be unemployed. Unsurprisingly, 100% favour government subsidies for alcoholic miniatures, poorly-organised ski trips and daytime TV.

One victim of the offline poll remarked that "Deal or No Deal desperately needs an overhaul", citing Noel Edmunds' shirts as the reason they had been forced to leave the house that day.

99.7%, an alarmingly high and mathematically improbably percentage given the number of participants, said that they were wary of inaccuracies in data produced by polls but stood steadfastly behind the principle that other people found their views interesting, even if it was totally anonymised and the opinions provided were defined to multiple choice. Of those who found themselves interesting, 50% considered their Facebook profile to be the best showcase of their talents, whereas 51% claimed Twitter made them look most interesting.

Experts say polls may be less accurate than just guessing

The Cloud Quits

The Cloud, which has recently complained of suffering from severe stress due to an increased workload, has emphatically resigned its role as the etheric information portal of the internet.

According to sources close to The Cloud, its initial briefing did not disclose the full extent of how onerous and nauseating the job would become. Supposedly, an unforeseeably high volume of duck-face selfies, objectively boring foodie instagrams and self-indulgent Facebook statuses have overloaded the system, causing the previously coveted position as the world's largest online databank to become untenable. 

Certain images are harder to handle than others

It is not yet known whom or what will be lined up as The Cloud's replacement. Some pundits have suggested Stephen Fry for the role, whilst various technology experts are tipping a return to the now totally obsolete practice of storing digital information on portable USB devices small enough to be swallowed by a cockroach.

The Cloud could not be reached for comment but was reportedly overheard storming off muttering "I didn't sign up for this shit" under its breath.